Why I'm attempting to write after titling this post writer's block, I don't know. I have already written several poorly worded, rambling leads to this post...and deleted them. I guess I write because I must. If I don't put some words on paper soon, no matter how bad they are, I am going to go crazy. And I'm really too young to pull of the crazy writer schtick. I'll save that for later.
So I write. I write badly. I feel badly for anyone reading this writing.
Why the block? you ask.
I suppose it's too much other stuff cramming my heart and brain. Worries over employment, money, my purpose in life. Sadness -- snot-faced, sobbing sadness -- over a marriage on the rocks that I would have never dreamed would be on the rocks. Ugly on the rocks. Idiot-throwing-away-a-good-life-for-momentary-pleasure on the rocks. It makes me sick.
It makes me write badly. It makes me cry in public places. It makes me want to punch and hug the same person...my friend who I love who is hurting another friend I've loved much longer.
I can do nothing. But love. And write badly because I must write or go crazy.