Music seeps into our souls and touches hurts, sins, and dreams that we thought were carefully tucked away, safe from scrutiny. It seeps in and, like rising tidal waters, buoys these hidden things to a level of consciousness where it becomes nearly impossible to ignore them.
We can ignore. And often we do. But sometimes, if we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us into the churning tide, we can pick up those sins and dreams and deal with them.
I come to this blank page this morning wet from head to toe. I've been treading deep water since the worship service at Fresh Life church last night. We sang a song we've sung before--many times--only this time I couldn't ignore it. Written by Chris Tomlin, the chorus goes like this:
Where You go, I'll go.
Where You stay, I'll stay.
When You move, I'll move.
I will follow.
Who You love, I'll love.
How You serve, I'll serve.
With this life I lose, I will follow You.
I'm not going to say what each line pinpointed in my life, but I do want to share a couple thoughts.
First, I have not been serving how God serves. I have not been serving much at all. I want to change that, and I'm asking to be held accountable.
And second, I have not loved who God loves. I have been feeling intense anger--hatred, even--for a friend of mine who cheated on his wife of ten years and their two kids. He wants out of the relationship he vowed to fight for. He wants out of love to follow lust.
I still do not understand this. I never will. But I do understand the words of the song. If I claim to love Christ, I must love this friend. I know there is a place for righteous anger, but what I've been feeling is not righteous. It is vengeful. It is wrong. And I need to say I am sorry--to him, to my best friend, to God.
So, I am sorry. I seek forgiveness, and I ask God to help me love who He loves.