Lent: Day Thirty-Five

I just watched a movie called "Happy Accidents." And though I realize I'm probably thinking way too much about it, I can't shake the questions it brings up in my mind.

Mainly, fate. Fate? Destiny? One's lot in life? Fortune? Predestination?

Call it what you like. All I want to know is...is it real? And how real? How pervasive? Is every detail of my life plotted? Or is there wiggle room? Accidents -- happy or otherwise?

I realize I will never be able to fully answer these questions. That is the draw of pondering them. Unlike some who must have answers, I like the process of questioning. I'm a journalist. The questions are perpetual with me. I own a T-shirt that says on one side, "Calvinism: This shirt chose me," and on the other side, "Arminianism: I chose this shirt."

I've always liked the idea of God as author of my life. It says in the Bible that every day is written before one of them comes to be (Psalm 139). But does that mean the whole story, the whole book, is already written? Or does it mean He is currently writing it, page by page, taking what happened yesterday and working with it to write the page for today...and maybe tomorrow...but certainly not to the end? As an author, I can say I don't know what my characters are going to do...not every detail anyway. They act spontaneously just like humans. And I'm definitely a fan of free will.

But still, how to you ignore Ephesians? Conversely, how do you ignore instances where God changed his mind in relation to an interaction with humans? Jonah? Ninevah?

And what about all those cute "how we met" stories that make it seem like there is a "the one" for every person? Do we believe because we should...or because we need to for our own comfort? Who doesn't want there to be someone out there for them, someone they will meet at just the right time and place? At the same time, that's a lot of pressure! I've met a lot of pretty swell fellas in my life and feel like any one of them could have been "the one" and yet none have become "the one." So I kind of think it's all baloney.

Alas, I do not want this blog to become the ramblings of a cynic. I do not want to be a cynic.

What I do want to do is trust. In these questions...and all the others I ask of my God.

I do not have to know the answers in order to trust that God is God, and God is good. Whether the books of our lives are written, edited and published, or whether they are being penned, erased, and penned again, I still like the idea of God as author. I trust His story. I trust Him. And I hope you can, too.